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Mark Tobey (1890-1976),

famous artist, dedicated and devout Baha'i, was gay. His life and work were commemorated.. More

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We tell ourselves stories in order to live.

                          Joan Didion, title essay, The White Album (1979)

Backbiting brings fame

Allah'u'Abha. I'm not so good in English, excuse me. I'm a young virgin lesbian from Eastern Europe, and I'm in love with baha'i woman for 6 years. We're still serving in one administrative organ, and it may be changed soon. She always said me, that she's asexual and the kind of love I offer to her is unacceptable to her. I was patient and hopeful and continued to love her. This love conveyed me to the Faith. Abdul-Baha says – “Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time”. It's about me. And I was happy with my beloved woman. I achieved her love – kisses, embraces, a several nights when we lay nearby embracing. I even caressed her breasts and she allowed this… I've never seen her naked. We often embraced on bahai meetings and it was wrong for all. Why not somebody who didn't like this conduct asked us why we're embracing? Truthfulness is a foundation, but I would reply that she comforts me in case of life difficulties – it would be truth. Why not somebody who didn't like this conduct asked us to stop public embraces because it can bring damage to our beloved Faith?.. What was happened instead of this? – backbiting. They discussed the situation without me. They added details which never took place. They separated me from communication with beloved. They say, bahais of several countries are in shame because of this story. They told Counsellor about the situation. I told lies to Counsellor – that we're just friends. Three SA members doesn't communicate with me. A week remaines befone the Nat.Convention. What shall I do? I'm in fear. I'm in lies. I want stay a baha'i forever. I don't want to lose friends! I want continue to guide a child.class, a circle. I want to serve even more than I served. I can't leave here my contacts. I believe in unity of mankind! I ask for justice. I hurt myself with razor. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. And even pray. I strongly need your help!!! Bahaullah wanted us to love all humanity. So why the community allows backbiting and stops our core activities by the separation from she with whom I served together? THIS is a real harm to the Faith, not my conduct!!!



Turning away from the world of matter - or embracing it?

For the past 4 years I've been struggling with all these questions:


Do I follow the Baha'i law of chastity, or fully embrace my sexuality as a lesbian?

Do I look to the Holy Books for answers, or find them in my own heart?

Do I focus on following the Manifestation, or manifesting my own spark of Divinity?

Do I 'turn away from the world of matter', or dive right into all that it has to offer?

Do I try to transcend my emotions, or concentrate on feeling them fully and finding gifts in them?

Do I learn to be happy in prison, or concentrate on breaking out?

Do I stay in the safe, secure job, or take a crazy leap of faith to follow a dream?

Do I 'give myself away', or 'fill my own cup first?

Why does doing the 'wrong' things feel so right?


With the help of some wonderful friends, I've been starting to let myself believe that I have the power to create my own reality, but still feeling guilty about it a lot of the time. I've been flipping back and forth between 'I'd have been a Baha'i if I wasn't a lesbian' and 'I'd have been a lesbian if I wasn't a Baha'i' and then fooling myself that I could have it both ways. But it wasn't until I read this article by Andrrea Hess that I realised I was actually sabotaging myself by trying to follow two opposing paths at once:


I found it hugely helpful, not only for thinking about money, but also sexuality and desire...


also - I may have mentioned it before but I love love love the My Silent Half blog:

It is by a pastor from the American Midwest who came out as a lesbian and moved 800 miles across the country to be with the woman she loved - she writes so powerfully about love, sexuality and faith...


Yours in solidarity, love and hope,



I grew up in a Baha'i family and community. At
one point I thought I may be gay or bisexual. I struggled with this
for many years. I married someone of the opposite sex and had
children and still wondered as my sexual relationship has not seemed
complete. I turned to pornography but that did not help and made
"real" sexuality even less satisfying.
Over time, I realized that I was thinking of my identity in relation to sexual
attraction. I am no longer trying to identify my sexuality as part of
who I am. I am finding that these questions of sexual identity are
finally beginning to fade for me and I am also finding that I am less
judgemental towards others who struggle with sexuality in our over-
sexualized society. I don't beat myself up because of homosexual
thoughts any more. I just try not to judge myself harshly and
redirect my thoughts and understand that we live in very difficult
times and must be patient with all in regards to sex-- especially
oneself. We must never judge another Baha'i or any other person. Love
and unity helps our Faith not judgement.



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