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Backbiting brings fame

Allah'u'Abha. I'm not so good in English, excuse me. I'm a young virgin lesbian from Eastern Europe, and I'm in love with baha'i woman for 6 years. We're still serving in one administrative organ, and it may be changed soon. She always said me, that she's asexual and the kind of love I offer to her is unacceptable to her. I was patient and hopeful and continued to love her. This love conveyed me to the Faith. Abdul-Baha says – “Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there is always time”. It's about me. And I was happy with my beloved woman. I achieved her love – kisses, embraces, a several nights when we lay nearby embracing. I even caressed her breasts and she allowed this… I've never seen her naked. We often embraced on bahai meetings and it was wrong for all. Why not somebody who didn't like this conduct asked us why we're embracing? Truthfulness is a foundation, but I would reply that she comforts me in case of life difficulties – it would be truth. Why not somebody who didn't like this conduct asked us to stop public embraces because it can bring damage to our beloved Faith?.. What was happened instead of this? – backbiting. They discussed the situation without me. They added details which never took place. They separated me from communication with beloved. They say, bahais of several countries are in shame because of this story. They told Counsellor about the situation. I told lies to Counsellor – that we're just friends. Three SA members doesn't communicate with me. A week remaines befone the Nat.Convention. What shall I do? I'm in fear. I'm in lies. I want stay a baha'i forever. I don't want to lose friends! I want continue to guide a child.class, a circle. I want to serve even more than I served. I can't leave here my contacts. I believe in unity of mankind! I ask for justice. I hurt myself with razor. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. And even pray. I strongly need your help!!! Bahaullah wanted us to love all humanity. So why the community allows backbiting and stops our core activities by the separation from she with whom I served together? THIS is a real harm to the Faith, not my conduct!!!



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