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Mark Tobey (1890-1976),

famous artist, dedicated and devout Baha'i, was gay. His life and work were commemorated.. More

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Middle Roads

I'll make the story rather quickly. I'm 23, coming on 24 and declared a little over a year and a half ago. I know what the Baha'i doctrine is on homosexuality, but I feel this intense struggle with what I want vs what God wants for me. Honestly, I can't call myself a Baha'i if I am against what our founders of the faith have to say and the topic of homosexuality is no different.

I was raised in a Christian household and when my parents found out that I'm gay, they sent me to an ex-gay program. I hated myself, was depressed, and wanted to give up on so many things. I was told by the leader that, "If you don't wanna be here, you're going to hell like all the other faggots!" Raised eyebrow anyone? Yes.

I came to the Faith by the way of a longtime friend and love what the Faith has to offer to me and the rest of humanity, but I still struggle with my homosexuality. It's not the biggest part of me, I know this, but I can't help feel it's the one thing I'm stuck with in life. While I'm an advocate for LGBT rights, I wonder if who I am right now is who God wants me to be. Does he really approve of my lifestyle, my past? I'm embarrased of the things I've done in the past in regards to my sexuality.

It's the eve of Ridvan 2010 and I feel disconnected from God, the Faith, and religion. I don't want that. Should I sacrifice my sexuality for God's plan for me? It all sounds so heated and I'm sure people won't agree with me, but it's what I feel. Again, I advocate for LGBTs, but is it where I need to be?

I seriously need to pray on it...


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