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Mark Tobey (1890-1976),

famous artist, dedicated and devout Baha'i, was gay. His life and work were commemorated.. More

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So close...

I am a stranger in a strange country. Pushed away from my childhood religion (which is not Baha'i), I am seeking a new way to participate and grow in my faith. I literally feel like I am so close I could touch the sun, it's light on my face, the warmth on my skin- it exhilarates me. I feel like I'm flying until one fact, one idea makes me fall to Earth. My light, my sun, is not really my sun. It's something I can never touch. I lay on the ground looking up at what I thought was my life, so far away thinking "you can't be mine, you don't belong to me and I don't belong to you." One little fact, one little idea (and it's so small, it's so sad) keeps me away from embracing it.
I can't believe in a system that does not believe in unconditional, natural, wonderful love of everyone- no matter what they have sexually on the outside. It's such a small minded feeble idea! Every thing I read about Baha'i is what my heart has been singing for so long, about people, about God- all of it. Except the sexuality. I can't forgive that. I can't accept Baha'i into my heart knowing there are those out there who suffer from it because they aren't a man who loves a woman or a woman who loves a man, no questions.
I am living 9500 miles away from my family and friends. I chose to move around the world for the person I love. I am in a straight relationship (man-woman) and I miss religion, I miss community faith, I miss praising God for my life.

Why do I have to be so close and yet so far away?


Wandering Star

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