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Saturday, October 24, 2009 at 09:09PM
I have always been different... Whisperings in the nether regions of consciousness. I am Lesbian. In the bell shaped curve of intimate preference I am Lesbian. I am not a covenant breaker.
The faith for me was wonderful for 17 years.. during this time I was happy socially but miserable personally. I read everything and practiced well. I tried to do the heterosexual thing but it did not work well. I do not like the feel of men. It doesn't work. I have a soft personality that gets 'run over' by even the most well meaning of men.
I am Lesbian and to get here I have had to come through some major re-organising of my life. Firstly homophobia in myself, feeling of self disgust and shyness in the lesbian community... then I have had to leave my faith which was just as big as the former experience. You see to leave the faith.. one is leaving the covenant and this means I am out in the cold.. out in amongst the evil of the world. Do not think light of my experiences they make me shiver to understand the turmoil of choosing a womyn as a partner in the faith.
My partner fit..all the Abdul'baha's teachings..She still is a wonderful person some 14 years later...I was in love for the first time in my life at 38 years old.. I finally understood love..I wrote one letter to the LSA a copy to the Person for the protection of the faith and the NSA... I am an honest person. I wanted the faith to see how lovely my relationship was. I was hoping to get a letter that said well ..sort of yes we see you are happy ...we don't agree but be happy anyway and just continue in the faith.
I got a letter that took my voting rights away and condemned me to an unprotected life...it insinuated that my life would be full disaster. It warned me that my actions if I continued would be disastrous.
I was very hurt and angry and walked away from all faiths spitting tacks and reasoning out that if the faith of unity of diversity did not include me as Lesbian and if God made me then there is something seriously wrong with the faith or there is not God.
Fourteen years to get over the anger the pain and the betrayal of it all...I have no Baha'i friends left. All those life long buddies left within the first 3 months of the letter. I went to a public baha'i meeting 9 years later and all I could do was cry..silly me. I am faced with no faith at this point knowing that I was a spiritual person..I tried Buddhism.
Currently..I have been going to a Christian church... which is fine... but with this has come a clear recognition that I am Baha'i. A Lesbian Baha'i. I need to have the faith in some form in my life. (Is this acceptable unto God ...am I a covenant breaker...how can I make this work??? and be honest) Funny thing is that if the faith included Gays then my Partner and I would be in boots and all.. She too is tuning into the principles and consciousness the faith is.
You see if you take human ability to give or speak or create comfort away from humans ..you take away that which makes us Human.
It is the same with spirituality. I have to find it somewhere as it is built into my human make up. The strange thing is..which like some many other dilemmas I have around the faith and being Lesbian is that... we are meant to uphold diversity and here the faith has taken away a basic human right to spirituality and dehumanised me in the process as well as destroying the virtue of diverse inclusion it so strongly advocates.
It is painful still to write.. I am amazed at the emotions this has taken to write this... Please if you are in power in the faith consider the humanitarian implications to being excluded from the Baha'i faith. We are one section of the global community the Male scribes of the faith left out. Is this Unity and Diverstiy.. All we are is loveAnonymous